Submitting Under My Husbands Covering
By Watchwoman Amy
The bondage started, I believe, when I was a small child and my grandpa touched me inappropriately. This was my father’s dad. Knowing it wasn’t right, I had to tell my parents. The fear of talking to my father about his dad was overwhelming, so I went to my mom, trusting her to tell my dad so I could feel safe again. That never happened.
Where was my dad, the covering God put over me? Where was God, to punish my grandfather for doing this? Life went on, and I became my own protector.
I believe that’s when the chains were bound to me. The problem was, I was still seeking that protection in all the wrong places. Codependence on men became a big issue in my life. I thought I was in control, but in reality, I was still seeking something I lost as a child. Later, in my 30s, I met my husband, and we started a family and a journey with our loving God! “Finally I can submit to my husband as God tells us in the Bible. Awesome; it’s all good now!”
We are now seventeen years into our marriage, and I’m reading the book Under Cover by John Bevere. God revealed to me that I have not been under the right covering with my husband. I thought, “Are you kidding me? I am a good, faithful wife! I know my husband is the head of the home.” It was then God told me I did not trust my husband to lead our home; that I was my own covering, carrying a role I wasn’t supposed to carry.
I immediately asked God for forgiveness but knew He wanted me to confess this to my husband and ask for his forgiveness as well. My husband was at work so it gave the enemy and me time to reason why I shouldn’t do this. Believe me, I was coming up with some pretty good reasons! The chains were on me for so long – not trusting men God put in my life as my covering – that it felt safe at this point. It felt normal, so normal I thought maybe I was telling myself to confess and repent to my husband.
All day long I felt sick to my stomach and thought if this was normal and safe why did I feel the complete opposite? Well, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I sat down with my husband and confessed and asked for forgiveness that I didn’t trust him to lead our home. I instantly felt a heaviness fall off of me.
When you carry chains for so long that weight can feel normal, but when they fall off of you-you can feel the difference. I cried tears of sadness. My husband prayed over me as I felt myself coming under his covering and God’s. Now the chains are gone, and I’m under the right covering with God there is still healing to take place. I am free from the bondage, but it’s like if you were in prison for years and you have been released, you need to work on a new way of life. It can be scary, but now with the proper covering and God’s loving grace guiding my life, I’m quite excited about this new journey.
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