I closed my eyes against the night sky and listened to the wind rustling the tall grass.
Fall was in the air. The promise of it was in the morning fog that hugged the fields. The scent of it was on the aging leaves. I’d always loved the way the seasons changed.
It had been a hard few months, and now the days felt darker and the nights felt longer as I battled sleeplessness. I leaned back and listened to the wind.
I opened my eyes and looked up at the heavens, and began to talk to the Maker.
“I miss you,” I prayed.
“I’ve been here,” was the immediate reply, as clear as the glittering night sky.
I paused and rubbed my hands over my chilled arms. Was I the one who had put the distance between us?
My path had been muddy. I felt like a thirsty traveler, wandering just beside a washed-out mountain trail that I would follow to still waters if I could only remember the way.
My nights had been restless, and my prayers had started to drift apart.
How had I fallen away from my first love?
I could remember the butterflies. The thrill of conversation. The peace upon waking and going to sleep. The joy of being together. The strength that came from companionship.
I knew what it was like to fall in love. I wanted to feel it again.
I soaked in the soft light of the stars, silently opening the doors of my heart to Jesus once again.
I remembered the greatest love story ever written, a heart song penned in the pages of the Bible. That love story was about me. That love story was about all of us. Jesus was after my heart; He died for my soul. The Father desires a deep, lasting relationship with each of us – one that grows, changes, stretches, breathes. He desires a relationship that is alive. I knew it. I know it.
But over the last few months, I’d started to withdraw into myself, killing my progress and putting a barrier between myself and my Maker. How could I tear that down? How could I start over and fall in love again?
I walked across the dark grass. How do we fall for anyone? I wondered. The answer appeared in my head like a star in the sky: by getting to know them. First, I had to rejoin the conversation: one that the Father started before I even walked this earth.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13). He yearns for us to know Him. He’s waiting for us to jump in, to open our hearts and our minds and speak to Him.
Matthew 7:7 says, “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” If I wanted to change my relationship status, first I had to raise up my hand and knock.
Every earthly connection required work. I knew that the seeds of every relationship must be nurtured and cared for so that they could grow, bloom and flourish. So why was it so hard to remember that the same was true in my heavenly relationship? How could I expect it to grow if I didn’t water it with my attention?
Just as I committed to love and honor my earthly husband, I could choose to commit my life to the heavenly Father – to get on my knees and offer Him my heart and my soul. And just like any other relationship, this one would have its ups and downs because I’m human – I doubt, I falter, and I fail. But He will never change. Not when I’m in the valley. Not when I’m on the mountaintop. Not when I’m out in a dark field, throwing my heart into the sky.
Peace slowly began to rain down like shooting stars.
This relationship was a commitment I must choose to make not just once, but daily. I’d been so busy reaching out to take and wondering why I felt so lost that I had forgotten to give – give of my time, my attention, my very life. My love.
Jesus says in Matthew 16:24 that I must take up my cross and follow Him. Not pack my vacation suitcase and follow Him. Not get comfortable and follow Him. But take up my cross. Because a life of choosing Jesus first isn’t always easy, but it is worth it.
Falling in love can be scary. Being vulnerable enough to entrust our hearts to another is the ultimate trust fall, yet Jesus promises to walk with us every step of the way.
I turned my feet towards the warm glow of my home behind me, feeling a glow starting deep within me.
If you go knocking, be prepared to fall in love. Be prepared to feel your heart transform as you get to know the Creator on a profoundly personal level. Love changes us.
Maybe you’re in the valley, or maybe you’re on the mountaintop. Maybe the seeds are dry, and just waiting for you to give them water. We’re never too far gone to come back no matter where we are: He’s there waiting. We can fall in love again and again and again.
So raise up your hand and knock.
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